Capes and Tights - No thank you.

Like I said at the press conference a few years back, I'm not the superhero type. With this huge laundry list of character flaws, all the mistakes I've made, and so on and so forth.. you know the drill. However in the recent months I've been getting more and more used to the idea of being the ultimate hero and protector of humans. Now, I take a step back and look at some of my fellow heroes and let me tell you, the company I found myself in is far from perfect. I've decided to create this blog post to compare myself to all the other so called "superheroes" out there and tell you exactly why I am the best. I am Iron Man. First of all, I was able to engineer my suit so that it doesn't include silly sissy capes or tights that make everyone else look like flying morons. Let's take Batman for example. I have no idea why people insist on saying that Wayne is in any way better than me at what we do. Sure, he seems to be living in a much darker city, but that just seems like pollution to me. And what about all those closet sexuality issues with Robin? I mean, they both wear tights. C'mon. He needs to loose up. You can't fly, you wear a fake rubber suit with fake rubber nipples and you never have fun with anything.. You're all about darkness and evil and all that. Take a lesson from the Joker and relax?

And what about the Spider guy? Parker is it? A guy gets bit by a stupid radioactive spider and all of the sudden he's all that. I am clearly much better as I literally made myself. I designed all my powers and functionality from scratch and wasn't just given anything as a gift. With great power comes great responsibility? Please. All you are responsible for is to not look like an idiot in that spider mask and yet you fail even at that. Like Wayne, who just bought someone else's technology you are a failure. Oh and did I mention that the quality of women that we deal with is far better on my side of the world? I have Pepper and playboy bunnies and supermodels and who do you have? Mary Jane? Suck it you geek. And do you have a stripper pole in your plane? YOU DO NOT.

And what about you, mr Green?! Who do you think you are? I see articles and videos comparing the two of us and it's all false because I could clearly kick you green ass any day. Bare with me, I know it might take a second for everything to sink into your stupid green head, but you need to relax and take some more of those pills.. I mean, a superhero with anger issues is just pathetic.

Overall I don't even know why I'm wasting my time with talking about this as clearly I am the best self-made superhero out there and all you posers can get disappeared. Oh, and did I mention the stripper pole?

Peace,
Tony